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Guilt and Regret as a Disabled Mother

 I see the judgmental looks every time I leave my house.  Why is she disabled?  Why is she using a cane?  Why is she using a motorized cart?  Why can't she just walk?  Being fat isn't a disability!!!!   You're right, it's not. I have severe underlying issues you know NOTHING about and it makes me feel like my body is on FIRE when I move it too much on days that it's flared up.  And you'll NEVER guess what moving too much on a flare day means.   It means, you hurt so bad, you wait until the ABSOLUTE LAST MINUTE to move to go pee or have a BM.  Because moving your body enough to even GET to the TOILET on a bad flare day!!!! Is nearly impossible and requires a medal of honor.   When my wife first met me, I was nearly 300 lbs and roughly 6 feet tall.  I am now less than 280 lbs and am roughly 5 feet 8 inches.  This is all due to DDD or degenerative disk disease, scoliosis, arachnoiditis, and a genetic pars defec...
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The Pain That Never Ends

 I've had chronic pain issues throughout my life.  Starting at a young age I went through a genetic disorder called Osgood~Slaters.  A disease that causes my bones to grow faster than ligaments during puberty causing part of the front of the leg bone to peel away and snap back and forth against the rest of the bone in both lower legs. It is extremely painful and caused me to be very sedentary.  Including my hypothyroidism, I gained so much weight, which made everything I was already dealing with, so much worse.   Then after my knee pain and issues, my gut problems and menstrual pain issues started.  My periods were so bad I would go into a cold sweat and double over in pain.  I could barely function.  And the gut issues turned into lactose allergies and IBSD.  I can feel my digestive tract do it's contractions and whatnot needed to digest.   Adding to that I started having some serious spinal pain in the middle of my back....
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Fighting An Endless Battle

 It's been ages since I came here to exercise and feel my emotions.  My life stances have changed. My children have changed.  My spouse has changed.  Even I have changed.  My children are 9 and 10 years old right now.  They are exploring the definition of who they are, who they like, who they identify with and who they think they are.  And they get to do this with immeasurable support from Addy and I, and get to figure themselves out with all of their parental support so they don't feel weird or out of place.   I can't tell you the number of times I've had people try to tell me the best way to parent my ADHD/ASD/childhood depression and anxiety driven child.   They don't know or understand her. Her sister is more in tune with her ASD issues than any teacher or aid or attendant.  I'm furious her concerns are being considered exaggerated or unnecessary. Just because of ASD, ADHD and or OCD.  She's being bullied daily.  ...
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